is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
