I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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