so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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