spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
