All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
