My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
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rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize