are you still at the devil's house?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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