Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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