well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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