my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
