ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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