I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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