How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
as a side note pls kill me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
