who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
