sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
