Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
