sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
