sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
