sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
