just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
