He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
