Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
