Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
