Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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