Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
