She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
