I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize