Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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