Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
