omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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