new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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