I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
