There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
