In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
high people should be assigned attendants
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need a beard to bite.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
