Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
