please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
