I just threw up on my dentist
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
