Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
