we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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