I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
