May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
