I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You can't special order awesome
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
