If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
