if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
