ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
