You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
