i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
