dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
