Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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