seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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