I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
