if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
