You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
