life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the day after is always just damage control
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
