I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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