no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Houston, we have a squirter
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
