Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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