my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
