You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
