Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
