i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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