I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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