just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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