Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I've blown a few things in my day
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
