Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
