You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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