The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
