It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we're making bets on your personal life
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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