he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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