So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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