Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
