He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
