So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
