My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
