Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
